List

8-3

In order:
1. The scratch of your stubble as you kissed me goodbye,
separated by our synonymous schedules in this dance of domesticity.
2. The bright morning sunlight turning your living room into a wash of haze
and gold through the thick draperies of decades past.
3. Hallways and staircases of indefinitely shifting size, in a thick sheaf of bound leaf,
that lead me down into controlled madness.
4. Friday’s hot coffee and sweet doughnuts,
bought for my employers as participation in new hire traditions.

I am feeling infinitely better and more control of life today than I was yesterday. I mean, I’ve only got 13ish dollars to my name (about 7ish that will be spent on lunch today) but other than that, everything is good.

Corey and I drove around together last night in the fog of music and smoke that we thrive on, driving over bridges and sharing the playlist. This morning I dropped him off at work with a kiss and a booty shake, and then went over to Stephan’s to thank him for being an awesome friend yesterday. He bailed us out in a very very big way, so I figured I’d show him some love. I spent a good half hour hanging out with him and giving him a shoulder massage, listening to chill music in the early morning gold that is his living room. Good friends and good times. :) I could tell it really made his day which was my entire goal, I just wanted him to feel as appreciated as he is.

After leaving Stephan’s, I took off my “passionate and wild and carefree” skin and put on my cardigan. 
Drove to Dunkin Donuts. Bought doughnuts and coffee and read HoL for a smidge while my order was getting put together...mmm that fucking BOOK. I am absolutely in love with the book and all of its meanings and twistiness and the feelings that it generates.

Right now I am savoring the feeling that rushes, pounding, like frozen shards of ice into my blood. This is a game, a fake plastic date, and since I am fully aware of that fact I can be allowed to immerse myself in the pretend for a moment, right? Nerves and skittishness, uncertainty and eyebrows. Checking my reflection in every shiny surface, existing in that state of hyper awareness that only appears in this type of scenario. Wanting to be aesthetically pleasing, even if only just for pretend.