19F

10-26

I went on a business trip this week and I am not all back yet.

Fuck, I don’t even have words. There’s too many places to start, too many new emotional avenues.

I could talk about how it felt to be the youngest person at a swanky business dinner by a good 20 years, and the resounding clink of my glass against my boss’ as we stood as humans listening to music in a bar together and not employer-employee. How it felt to know that my charm works as well outside of the office as it does inside, and to know that I am a welcomed presence. It kinda gives me a whole lot to think about. Is there an actual future here for me? Could I spend a few years working hard for these guys and actually get somewhere? Can my short-term goals already have changed this completely?

My goals haven’t changed. They just seem so intangible right now.

Fuck, everything seems so intangible right now.
I’m in another head-in-the-clouds phase, where my body is present but I am most definitely somewhere else.
I’ll make eye contact and hold conversation, but I’m out flying.