I’m sitting in Centurion Cafe (where Rhianna works) forcing myself to eat some sausage and write some words real quick about this silly week that I’ve had; starting with jumped-to conclusions and a touch of personal stigmata, ending with reconciliation and a laugh at symbolism.

I resent what inspires me;
the struggle between apathy
and irony

For the record, little notebook, I feel back to normal and, dare I say, at peace. I mean yeah I know that I don’t know anything about anything right now, but I know who my friends are and who my love is.
This is important.

All that being said... I love House of Leaves. It’s rare that a book is dense and easy and light and oh-so-dark, all at the same time.
Like...suddenly being made aware of the very limited scope of human sight. Suddenly being made aware of the unknowable blackness of “behind” which is always there, always.
In broad daylight.

Oh man, my existence is a puzzle.
Dasein...muss es sein?

Sidenote, here are some things I am currently appreciating. Obviously House of Leaves is awesome, and I equally appreciate that it is Josh’s book and that I spent a half hour this morning and yesterday morning reading it at his apartment. Good creepy goodness, not to mention how immensely satisfying it is to have someone to read/talk books with. It’s fun to livestream my commentary to him, especially when he points out stuff that I missed. I know it’s silly but no one except Jon (and honestly this played a very large part in my overlooking all of Jon's eventually deal-breaking flaws) has interacted with me like this in regards to books... at least no one I’ve dated. I’ve noticed recently that I haven’t been reading. I have stacks and stacks of books that I haven't even looked at since I bought them... poor sad neglected books...lol.

Things I also appreciate... I appreciate cracking a smile on a baby’s face and the way that a toddler falls asleep (though she doesn’t want to) when I stroke her hair and sing to her. I also love when I’m writing next to her and she’s trying to grab my notebook and pen...hooray for toddler life. :)

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