But if she ain't gon' smoke, it ain't gon' happen

(The story of us is still coming. Turns out the story is longer than I remember it..
or maybe I'm just enjoying dredging up all of the memories.
It's been a lot of fun so far, with so much more to come...ahh my life. My life is good.)

I'm writing today because I feel like the words will fall out of my fingertips onto the desk if I don't put them in an appropriate place...like the girl with the jewels flowing out of her mouth, these words are welling up and spilling over with no voluntary input on my part.

So why all these words today?

Well, ok. I have a bad habit or two, and a vice or three...
and yesterday was a device of vice enticing.

After my full day at work, and my full day at class, and my dinner with the best friend and the boyfriend (for some reason the word fiance feels too fancy, so boyfriend it shall remain!), it was finally time for me to head to my buddy Aaron's for some celebrating. Apparently he had a full house during the day, but when I got there it dwindled down to just me and him. Which is absolutely fine by me. Aaron is my music buddy and I feel just as comfortable at his apartment as I do at my own...which is sayin' a lot. So, within 10 minutes of my being there, he handed me a packed piece and asked me if I wanted to watch Patton Oswalt stand-up. (well known fact about me: I want to marry Patton Oswalt and have his stumpy little babies. I love him SO MUCH) I think it's safe to say that I had a blast last night. My hope for my future is that I will never be too old or responsible to take a middle-of-the-week day and stay out until 3 cruisin' listenin' to music in my car.

This was my cruisin' listenin' vibe of last night:
Domo Genesis, of OFWGKTA. I am in love with this song.

I have a couple of cool posts planned. I'm finishing up my first semester of hand-building ceramics, and I have a few finished objects to show for it. Not to mention a rant or two about my struggles in getting these objects finished! Whew. Ceramics is a pain in my ass... but I learned a few things in this class about myself (namely, I'm pretty good at sculpture) and about my creativity. I was explaining to a classmate that it was really easy to 'be creative' when I was in middle and high school since I went to performing arts schools. Where everyone was creative. Therefore it was easy to be in that mindset 24/7.

Now that I'm out in the real world, I have to put myself in that mindset...and that's where I've been having problems. I've been knitting and cross-stitching, and doing a little writing, but nothing that's anywhere near the ideas I have for myself. I feel like I have ideas inside that I need to get out, words and images that could be relevant and meaningful to other people. I have a couple things planned as a means to get this internal creativity to well up and spill out, and part of that is writing about my creativity. Where it comes from, why it's stuck, my theories on the matter. I think maybe allowing myself to be completely self-centered and write about myself with no guilt or self-consciousness may do the trick.

I'm just trying to figure out how to get back to that fearless, pristine and angry 16-year old state. I've been listening to Odd Future a lot lately, and finding myself in complete awe at the things these kids have accomplished. I was an angry teenager once. Does creativity die when you aren't angry anymore? Or does it shift, and I need to shift with it?

I'ma hit this up in more depth at a later date.

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