Ugly in the Light

(written 7-19-12)


Ugly in the Light

clarity's eluded me the entirety of this plight
i held myself up like a saint just fighting the good fight
but standing here before this mirror i see another side
in the dark i dwell and always tell of lessons there to learn
i took a seat and patiently awaited there my turn
but with the spotlight over me i'm starting to discern
i'm ugly in the light
ugly in the light
in darkness i'll reside
so ugly in the light
so shoot my love up like a drug and feel its glorious high
your head will spin as you begin to feel the stars align
but soon you'll wake, your heart will break and the beauty there will die
i've something to confide
i'm ugly in the light
so in darkness i'll reside
so ugly in the light

The lyrics and the grit of this song really speak to me. Particularly the third stanza... it restates in plain english a feeling that I’ve had inside my chest for a while. I feel sometimes like there is some primal jungle power inside of me, a sensuality touched by Bast and a hedonism fueled by Bacchus himself. A mischievous desire to touch all and love all but in a way that they are not sure they have been touched or loved, but they know somehow they've changed.

So shoot my love up like a drug and feel its glorious high
your head will spin as you begin to feel the stars align
but soon you’ll wake, your heart will break and the beauty there will die

I’m listening to the song I linked, “Ugly in the Light” by Katie Grace Helow. Feeling...quite peaceful. I’ve got the gentle body hum of someone who spent a long time on their feet and finally gets to sit down. Kicked back, I watch the late summer afternoon quietly drifting into view through our plate glass porch window. A golden ochre hue of dog lays on the carpet beneath my feet, lazing in the silent happiness that I too am feeling. Silent. Happy. 


I know the urge to touch your face and feel your being’s shape
I am an unknown stranger, but you feel the comfort take
And soon you will know me
And soon you will know